Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Is Discombobulated a Real Word?

If it is. . . then that is how I feel. Just really mixed up in my head. I am a very level-headed practical person, usually, so this is quite a change for me. I've just been re-examining my life, as we are all wont to do at the beginning of a new year. And I'm not at all sure about where I am. I feel like I've been sleepwalking for months, even years, and now suddenly I am rethinking everything. Why now? Not quite sure. Its disconcerting to say the least.

When we moved to Florida and I went back to work I feel like I got on a treadmill that keeps picking up speed and I haven't been off of it since. No time to stop and analyze, just quick, get over each hurdle as it comes. And the strange thing is I don't want to think about it. I'm happier being ignorant. Ignorance is bliss right? I don't want to think about whether I love my job, or where I live or if I'm living a passionate life. Because what if I decide I don't or I'm not? That would mean some big decisions and upheaval and I'm not someone who is happy rocking the boat. So I am trying to hang on to the treadmill, at least for now.

2 comments:

The Holland Family said...

Well, if it helps there are times when I feel "discombobulated" in some ways. Not that I want to change where I live or my job but my life definitely isn't what I thought it would be. In some ways that is good and some ways bad. Of course loosing Mia is the bad part of this. You are awesome. Hang in there. Hope you figure it out. Love Nic

peer pressure made me do it said...

Oh sweety, I feel your pain. It's strange how you and I are in sync on things and always have been. You are truly a sister of mine. I know you hate rocking the boat and I know it's hard but you'll figure it out. Things rarely turn out the way I plan (ok never) but things can be ok. I know it's time for a change for me but I don't really know where to change. I guess you just keep plugging along and pray that when it's the right time and the right change you will see it and have the courage to grab hold of it. Love you and know I'm here if you need to talk. Carolee