Installing a Husband

A friend sent me the following email. I thought that it was hilarious, so I forwarded it to Mike. His response to it follows.

INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.



DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.


Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!



Mike's response:

System Check.



Husband 1.0 - running

Romance 9.5 – not optimally configured, check settings

Personal Attention 6.5 – not optimally configured, check settings

NBA 5.0 – not installed

NFL 3.0 – unobtrusive background program

Golf Clubs 4.1 - unobtrusive background program
Conversation 8.0 – An outdated version was detected

Housecleaning 2.6 - Version 1.3 detected

Nagging 5.3 – runs concurrently with Housecleaning 1.3

Tears 6.2 - runs concurrently with Housecleaning 1.3

Guilt 3.0 – a critical error was detected, hit continue to close program

Jewelry 2.0 – application missing

Flowers 3.5 – overwritten by Sam’s Club Arrangement 1.0
Grumpy Silence 2.5 – runs concurrently with Nagging 5.3

Happy Hour 7.0 – runs sporadically

Beer 6.1 – operates in safe mode
Mother-In-Law 1.0 – virus not detected

Cooking 3.0 – optimally configured

Hot Lingerie 7.7 - An outdated version was detected

Where does the time go?

I can't believe I haven't posted since October. Crazy! The days just seem to fly by!

In November I went through a big cleaning fit, so I can honestly say I was too busy to post much and really, who wants to read about how we cleaned out our closet or how we organized the garage? I did spend one entire week overhauling McKenzie's room. We pulled out everything, YES, everything, and shampooed her carpet and painted the walls a soft apple green. then we got rid of three-quarters of her stuff and put the rest back in! It's much easier for her to keep tidy and she has been spending a lot more time in there since. Practicing for the teenager years, I guess.

December saw the usual flurry of holiday shopping, decorating, baking, planning, wrapping, etc. My parents were able to come from Christmas Eve to New Year's Eve and we spent a few days with them in Cape Coral, Florida, at a very nice resort. It was nice to get away. I wish we did it more on regular weekends, but getting behind on chores and laundry always freaks me out. I feel like if I let it get out of control I will never be able to rein it in again!

I have no idea where January went! Becca got a Wii for Christmas and she has been playing with that a lot. Kenzie spent a lot of time texting on her new cell phone and Mike was busy working on a grant. But what the heck did I do?? I used the Wii Fit for the first two weeks of January and then stopped. I have felt like a deflated balloon for about 3 or 4 weeks. Just no energy. I thought I was fighting something off, but maybe it's something else? Iron deficiency or something? Not sure. In November and December I was getting so much done on the weekends. The house was clean, I was getting errands done, rearranged the dining room and living room, etc. But I can't think of any accomplishments since Jan. 1!! Oh well, life is a rollercoaster right? With its ups and downs. . .

I'll try to keep up with my blog a little better. Although we don't have much new to report these days! Life is just a constant circle of school, work and chores! But if we have any signficant deviations, I'll let you know!

McKenzie's 16th Birthday present

So Mike finally broke down and bought a new car!

His 1999 Chrysler Concorde has served us well. We bought it in June 2003 when we moved to Austin. We had survived with only one car for 8 years but without the public transportation options we had in Seattle, we had to go to two cars. We bought the Concorde with 60,000 miles and as of Saturday the car had over 160,000 miles. I wish I could say that Mike was going to miss his car, but I don't think so! He has a 35 mile commute to work so he spends a lot of time in his car.

The new car, a 2010 Toyota Camry, is kind of similar to his old car. Dark red, four doors, tan leather interior, and moonroof. Wait! It is exactly like his old car! Honestly it doesn't look that different than the old car except for it's about 5 feet shorter, it hasn't faded to pink on the top and the passenger door actually opens. Oh, and the new one has a lot less miles on it!

Rebecca has been Mike's car buying assistant for the past month or so. On their first car buying expedition, Becca interviewed Mike about what he wanted in a car and wrote of list of what he wanted so that she could show it to the salesmen. She would also take pictures of the cars that they would look at and write down notes as they did some test drives. What a great helper. Kenzie went along once but apparently didn't understand the car buying rules. She felt it necessary to tell the salespeople what bad shape Mike's old car was in and how bad he needed a new one. Mike felt it necessary to tell Kenzie to shut up!!

I must admit I didn't go on these trips. The car really is Mike's. I can count on one hand the number of times I have driven his car in the last year. The car he ended up buying he brought to the house and I got a chance to drive it around the neighborhood and give final approval before Mike made the final decision. I still think it's funny how much this car is like his old one!

Getting Ready for Halloween!

It's been a busy day around here for us! It has finally cooled off enough to spend a day outside. this is the first day we have been able to turn the a/c off since April! October has been terribly warm this year with highs in the 90s every day. Finally a little relief from the heat.

I baked some cookies this morning and threw in a load of laundry and then started working on Becca's costume. She has a dress that I made for her that she wants to wear. It's way too short now, so I made a petticoat to go under the dress that reaches the floor. I spruced up the ribbons, added some fancier sleeves and "Voila!" a princess dress!

For McKenzie I got out an old scarecrow costume out of the attic, one that I wore before I had kids. Kenzie is just about the same size I was way back in the day so with a few modifications it will fit the bill. The original had pants, a tunic and a really darling hat and neck thing with patches on it. Her version has a skirt instead and a vest, both of which I whipped up this afternoon.

Mike spent the morning sprucing up the yard, pulling weeds, putting out mulch etc. Now he is working on cutting out some wooden pumpkins for the girls to paint. We still plan on carving pumpkins but around here the carved pumpkins only last a few hours before they start to melt in the heat. So we saw some painted pumpkins at a craft show a couple weeks ago and though how fun it would be to paint our own version and put them out in the yard. That way we could show a little Halloween spirit for longer than one day.

Other than that, we have been crazy busy with work and school. Both the girls have a lot more homework this year and I have a lot more responsibilities as a team leader and member of the Building Level Planning Team and union representative for our school. Mike's job keeps him as busy as ever, so it doesn't leave a lot of time of weeknights for much of anything other than dinner!

First Day of School 2009

Heading to Universal

Well the girls are off to Universal with friends. I was supposed to leave with them this morning but I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to catch up with them later. I have had a very upset crampy stomach since Thursday. Not fun.

So Mike has been gone all week to Spokane visiting his family. His mother's surgery went fairly well. The surgeon was able to get most of the tumor but decided to leave the part that was wrapped around the motor cortex. Carol will need some radiation to help it reduce further. The biopsy showed that the tumor was not malignant but not exaclty benign. This type of tumor has a 30-40% chance of recurrence.

Carol got home from the hospital yesterday (Friday). She is still suffering some weakness on her right side which will hopefully go away when the swelling in her brain subsides. As for now, she is having problems with her right foot not cooperating. Hopefully a little physical therapy and she will be as good as new!

Mike is flying back today and I will be picking him up at the Orlando airport at 12:38 am. Ugh. I'm such a good wife. So the plan was to spend the day in Orlando at Universal with the MVs and the FDs and then pick up Mike at the airport and stay to play on Sunday and Monday. Slight change of plans for me. I woke up feeling fine, my stomach just a bit bloated but by the time I got out of the shower I was so cramped up I couldn't stand up straight. So I took some Advil and Gas-X (couldn't hurt, right?) and sat down but it didn't really go away. Claudia came and got the kids and I went back to bed. An hour of bedrest really helped.

The doctor prescribed something to help so we'll have to cross our fingers and hope for the best. good thing for insurance. The prescription was $512!! Copay was $50. Yikes. Walmart didn't even carry the stuff so I had to go to Walgreens. Anyway hopefully everything will work itself out soon. Otherwise I'm going to have a very hard time going back to work.

So off to Orlando soon. Will post pics later. And yes I still plan on posting the rest of our vacation pics but I promised myself I would get my chair covers done before I worked on anything else. Three done, three to go. At this rate the vacation pics should be up by Christmas!!

What's Up? you ask

Well maybe you weren't asking, but if you are visiting my blog, there's a chance you might be mildly interested. . .

Carol's surgery lasted four and a half hours yesterday. The surgeon was able to remove 95% of the tumor. He left the part that had grown into the motor cortex, not wanting to deal with those kind of side effects. The tumor was more aggressive than anticipated and it looks like Carol will need at least a round or two of radiation. Another side effect has been some reduced mobility on the right side. Although Mike did tell us that his mom could feed herself with her right hand she was not able to control her right foot. So no walking as of yet. So it is not the perfect outcome, but it is what it is and way better than it could be. We shall be cautiously optismistic.

As for us? Well I got about two hours of sleep last night. I will have to admit I slipped up and had way too much Pepsi yesterday and it appeared to make me wired. So I brought it on myself. ugh. But I had to get up because I promised Claudia to pick her up from the RV repairshop at 9. So I picked her up, dropped her off at home, grabbed Kacey and headed back home. Neither Kenzie nor Becca wanted to get out of bed to play with Kacey!! Lazy butts. Finally Becca got her butt out of bed around 10:30. Claudia and Carlie came by around noon and brought pizza for lunch. The girls played, we visited, we ate, the usual. Then Claudia took pity on me and took my kids back home so I could take a nap. I love you Claudia.

I wish I could say I was super productive but this morning was just a haze. My washing machine is acting up and I ordered a new drain pump for it. I hope I can install it myself and I hope that fixes it. Thirty minutes after ordering the part, I went to fold clothes and now my dryer is on the blink. No heat. Just tumbles round and round blowing cold air. Great. So I think I will be calling a repairman for that one. Ugh. If it isn't one thing, it's another. If I hadn't already ordered the part I would have been at Jetsons buying a new washer and dryer!!! I can't stand unreliable appliances. I can't even stand thinking about the laundry piling up. It drives me nuts.

So after my nap I took Claudia back to the RV place and picked up the kids. Then I finished my third chair cover. Half done!! Yeah. And then the girls and I tackled the living room. We dusted from top to bottom, vacuumed everything that didn't move (and even a few things that were moving around), and cleaned the leather couches and ottoman. Not fun but needed to be done. And I am kind of freaking out thinking about going back to work with a house that is in shambles. I feel no motivation to do housework when I get home from a long day at work. Who does? Actually I feel no motivation to do it in the summer either, but in my head I know it's easier to do now.

After cleaning I watched Eighteen Kids and Counting which always astounds me. How that woman can function without ever losing her cool I do not understand. Yet I envy her unflappableness (sure, that's a word. Trust me.) And we watched the Little Couple who went to the doctor to see if she should have a baby. I get the desire but her stomach is about 3 inches long. And I know how uncomfortable it is to have a kid pushing against your ribs and your bladder at the same time. I was one that never "dropped." There wasn't anywhere to drop to!!

Ah, eleven o'clock, and it's definitely bed time. Even with an hour long nap, I am seriously sleep deprived. Plus I should call Mike. I haven't talked to him since about two o'clock. And he's very old fashioned; he doesn't believe in boys calling girls. He thinks it is very forward. Whatever. He just never calls me because he sucks. Love you Honey!!